Elul :: Asleep in the Light

One of my favorite Keith Green songs from his album No Compromise goes in part like this:

The world is sleeping in the dark,

That the church just can't fight,

'cause it's asleep in the light!

How can you be so dead?!

When you've been so well-fed

Jesus rose from the grave,

And you! You can't even get out of bed!

I always feel convicted every time I hear that song. Admittedly, I don't hear it much these days, as it was released in 1978 and doesn't get much air time anymore, especially since Keith died in 1982. I want my mind to be boggled that this song didn't make it to the list 11 Keith Green Songs That Changed Worship Music, but I get why it didn’t. A song that challenges our lukewarm complacency is not exactly a song that gets our spiritual vibes revved up. But today's Elul devotional brought it to mind as I read Light Shines in the Darkness.

In the darkness... we "are like one-year-old children who attempt to play hide-and-seek by covering their own eyes, assuming that if they cannot see others, then others cannot see them." The problem is that we try to live our lives like that - until someone switches on the light and we see things as they are: "All your soiled places, all your spots, stains, wrinkles, and blemishes become visible."

But stepping into the Light is a good thing. It forces us to face the "inadequacy of [our] coping mechanisms" and causes us to want to change. The more I get into this introspection and start examining the darkness I have let creep into my life, the more I am challenged to seek out the light. One of the "Challenges" for today is to "shine HIS light on what [I] have been prioritizing, ...spending [my] spare time doing, ...spending non-essential money to purchase, ...allowing [my] mind to think about..."

I've got to admit, there's a bit of a glare.

Thank you, Christine Miller.

Elul :: Paranoia Strikes Deep

In 1966 I was a Sophomore in high school, with all the cool that comes with that... NOT.

Buffalo Springfield had just released their song For What It's Worth. Several (if not most of the) lines from that song made it into our cultural vocabulary, not the least being this one that anyone from my generation can sing as soon as the word paranoia is mentioned:

Paranoia strikes deep

Into your life it will creep

It starts when you're always afraid

You step out of line, the man comes and takes you away

Since I was not in the habit of stepping out of line, I personally didn't give too much thought to the man coming and taking me away, but I certainly observed it all around me. But I never really gave any thought, until now, about how my perception of God is very much like that. I'm sure some of that could have to do with growing up knowing that I was in for some unpleasant discipline if I stepped over my mother's line of Disobedience, Disrespect, or Dishonesty. Or the cultural lie that was perpetuated on us for years (until we figured out the truth) that for the months of October-December we knew to tread lightly if we wanted to be on the Nice List for Christmas. It should hardly be a surprise that children come to equate God with other authority figures in their lives, so it follows that young minds would develop the same trepidation about God and breaking any of the Ten Commandments. That was enough to keep me in line, anyway.

But today's Elul devotional brought up this provocative thought: After eating from the Tree in the Garden, the man and woman introduced into our DNA a distorted view of what constitutes Good and Evil.  "We project the evil that is now a part of us onto each other and onto all our life-circumstances....we even imagine that we see evil in the Holiest of All.  We think He hates us instead of loves us.  We think He wants to hurt us instead of heal us, and to condemn us instead of support and empower us."

So, I suppose my challenge for today is to stop and consider: How are some of the ways that I view YHVH through a grid of paranoia? Is it because I don't trust Him when He says He loves me and desires only the best for me? Let's face it, I know what my "best" looks like - am I putting God in a box by limiting what His love looks like? Or is it that I think He can't really get past the unlovable things about me?

Food for thought.

Thanks, Christine Miller, for sharing your amazing art!

Elul :: Where Am I?

It is mid-August. We are hot. (Because, that's what happens here in the north state in August.) But lately, there is that slight nip in the morning air that says, "Autumn is coming!" The nut harvest has commenced... the dust is also in the air (in addition to the smoke and ash), but we know there is relief in sight.

According to my Elul devotional, there is a primordial stirring of our souls that happens at the change of the seasons. That makes sense to me: "What stirs in our souls this time of year is a gnawing sense that before the seasons change we very much need to remember something which we have forgotten, and to prepare for something which we sense deep in our souls..."

As I take the time (for the first time) during this season of preparation for the coming feasts, I am becoming aware that this is a time of preparation for an encounter. This is a concept that I have never before entertained in preparing for the traditional "Christian" holidays. Why? Because those holidays were part of the culture I grew up in and I figured I already knew what they were all about and didn't bother to take the time to investigate any deeper meaning for me there? I cannot say.

What I am aware of this time is that I need to learn how to prepare my attitudes, my thoughts, my focus. This means something more than flying by the seat of my pants for whatever comes my way... This is a time to be intentional.

That is what we need to prepare for. We are about to have an encounter with the Creator of Heaven and Earth. We are about to have to give account to Him for what we have done with His precious breath of life.

A sobering thought. A thought that takes some time to ponder - to reflect. And I don't like everything that I see. Get this: I am not talking about an extended guilt trip for things that cannot be undone. We all have those things in our lives that generate thoughts of remorse and time wasted wondering how our lives would have been different... if only I hadn't... That's not where I'm going with this. Rather, where am I now? And where do I need to be?

Thank you, Christine Miller

Elul :: Search

I learn all sorts of things when I start exploring. I also run into some "interesting" concepts along the way, but that is a story for another day, because today I want to focus on positive things and not let my mind default to criticism. (And just a warning, this more of a meander than usual.)

I have started my devotional series through Biblical Lifestyle Center, and it began with a challenge that I am not quite sure I know what to think about it. The call is to examine what has separated me from the wonder and awe of being in the presence of the Almighty.

You were full of awe
and awash with wonder.
You were constantly
amazed, astonished, and overwhelmed...
Alas, that was before your mind
reduced your relationship
with the Creator to a creed.
That was before you substituted
doctrines for His Voice
and programs for His Presence.
That was before your religion reduced
His vast reservoir of life and truth
to a series of one-liners and clichés.

The reason I say it is difficult to consider is that I am not entirely sure that I ever had that "sense of awe and wonder" in the first place. Full disclosure:  I am not necessarily what I would consider an emotional person. I'm not using the term in a negative way. I'm just making an observation that some people are naturally emotive... and I am not one of those people.

Do I marvel at Creation and the handiwork of God? Sure I do. I just do not name my response "awe". So I am wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing or not a thing at all... just the way I am made. (Which, by the way, is "fearfully and wonderfully", in case you were wondering.) But, as an exercise in re-capturing a sense of amazement, I bothered a couple of bumblebees this morning as they were visiting my salvia plants and doing their thing pollinating and getting a morning snack. Bumblebees do fascinate me, and for all the reasons you imagine.

Not my photo, and not salvia - I just have a crummy little Exilim which takes pretty grainy photos

But... I am getting off onto a bunny trail. In my "search" for meaningful and devotional thoughts, I also stumbled upon an article on a website that is new to me. In the article I read, it talks about Elul being "a time of intensely focusing on repentance and forgiveness... traditionally considered to be a time of introspection, taking stock of one’s life, evaluating one’s actions."

As such, I think awe and wonder are a likely pair to team up with as I ponder the amazing grace that was extended to me when I repented and was shown forgiveness. Repentance is a word that is not easily understood in our culture. It means admitting you are wrong. (I always imagine The Fonz from Happy Days tripping over saying "wr-wr-wr-wrong.") We don't seem to be comfortable with that level of introspection that can lead to the realization that we have made a wrong move. We are even less comfortable with the concept of turning from it and going in the opposite direction. But that is only HALF of what it means to repent.

The Hebrew word that we translate as "repent," teshuvah means turning and returning. In turning from our wrong choices, we also need to make sure we are returning to the life YHVH has called us to, as His set apart people. And that involves spending time getting into the Instructions He has given us that map out what that looks like. It involves taking a look at how Jesus/Yeshua lived His life and taught His followers to live. Not by all the added traditions of the rabbis or pastors or denominations, but by the guidelines handed down to us through the Word of God. What are the principles behind the instructions He gave us, and how does that look 4,000+ years later in our day of technology and instant everything? It takes some thought, and it takes some time. And for me, it takes staying off of Facebook and the myriad of other distractions that seem harmless - until you add up the time sucked out of your life and time that would be better spent in introspection of the things that really matter in life.

For me, I am even more convinced that turning and returning can only be for my benefit. And that thought does strike me with awe and wonder. That my Creator and Redeemer has thought of me and desires for me blessings and not curses.

See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, when you obey the commands of יהוה your Elohim which I command you today; and the curse, if you do not obey the commands of יהוה your Elohim, but turn aside from the way which I command you today... Deuteronomy 11:26-28

Thank you, Christine Miller, for sharing your creative gifts with us.

Identity Crisis or Desperate Disobedience?

I have several bones to pick with society in general and some people in particular. Today's bone du jour is the tendency - read: compulsion - in our society to LABEL PEOPLE. If one is a sensitive, caring male who isn't into sports but enjoys music or literature instead, then woe be it to him to be friends with another man without getting a label of GAY slapped on him. Likewise, if a girl is perhaps athletic or has an assertive personality, etc., the same thing frequently happens there. (Those are some frequent stereotypes. I am not implying anything beyond that.)

Here is what I truly think: We all have feelings of same-sex attraction... at one time or another in our lives, we all have those feelings. I think it is a normal process of the developing sexual identity. Notice I said "developing" - it is a process of growth. Sometimes during this process, "the needle gets stuck in the record" in that person comes to believe - or is LED TO BELIEVE - that because he/she is attracted to the same sex, ipso facto they are gay. I do not, however, agree with that conclusion.

Children and young adults are naturally going to be curious not only about their changing bodies (as well as with the brouhaha they hear all around them), and just as some may experiment with smoking, shoplifting, drinking, drugs, they may experiment with sex - in whatever form it is available.

Many times, we are attracted to another person of the same sex on a psychological level, as in the ability to share thoughts, feelings, beliefs and to have deep meaningful discussions.  Those feelings can easily lead to emotional bonding which for some could lead to carrying that bonding to a physical level for a period of time until one or the other becomes dissatisfied or uncomfortable with the relationship. I liken that type of relationship to "scratching an itch."

None of those things should define a person's character or "orientation" any more than a 7-year-old sneaking a pack of gum from the 5-and-dime should be defined as a career criminal... But here is where we have the problem: In society's zeal to eradicate God and morality and absolutes, we have those who instead have elevated the ideals of humanism, relativism and political correctness. It is taught in the schools. And I think the Lord already said something about that when He said through the prophet Isaiah:

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who change darkness into light and light into darkness, who change bitter into sweet and sweet into bitter!

The thing is, there are many who don't want to believe it's God's call to define what is right and wrong (or "good" and "evil").

Partly, I blame the modern church, because they have perpetuated the myth that the front part of The Book was "nailed to the cross", and they have cherry-picked what is acceptable to believe and what was "done away with" or "for the Jews", when God himself said these were instructions for us (HIS PEOPLE) through all generations.

Partly, I think our government and society in general is to blame, because they have elevated "freedom of choice" and made it about the individual and not the common good… much less about obedience to our Creator.

Bottom line, I think the real issue is NOT about sex at all, or orientation if you prefer that term, but about rebellion and defiance of who our Creator created us to be and how He created us to live. This is where my disagreement lies. Not in the choices that people make - because the Lord knows I have made my fair share of misguided choices - but ultimately with the fact that they don't agree with or believe WHO GOD CREATED THEM TO BE.

God’s power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, through our knowing the One who called us to his own glory and goodness...

...but the enemy has ramped things up as the end grows closer in order to blind people to that fact. The result is: We have more and more people calling good evil and evil good… and a society who damns us if we speak against it.

But the reality is that there is a blatant double-standard by which people live. When their choice differs from ours, we are obliged to turn a blind eye and accept it as “normal”, but if we disagree and say, “no, it’s not up to US but up to GOD to define how He created us to live (or not live), then we are labeled hateful, fanatics, or phobic. I think it stems from the fact that they know, deep down inside, that their spirit is not in sync with their Creator, and they are trying desperately to still that voice. Sadly for them, the voice will not be stilled and it fuels their desire to quench it rather than to turn (i.e. “repent”) and believe God and believe that what He said is true.

At least, that's that way I see it.

Fitting In

It is no longer my weekly custom to attend corporate church gatherings on Sundays. For the first 60 or so years of my life, that had been my "norm." It had been a habit that was taught to me by my parents and later cultivated by my own choice. It had been my culture. And then I stopped.

For the past four years, ever since my mother-in-law died and I no longer had someone dependent upon me to fetch them to church, I have cultivated other "habits" to occupy my Sunday mornings. Coffee with the grands, grocery shopping, cleaning house. I have been trying to reprogram my thinking about how I spend my Sundays, but find that it is hard to undo 67 years of conditioning just like that. It has been difficult to not feel obliged to make excuses to those who expect to see me where and when they have always seen me. It has been difficult for my husband of 47 years, who still feels called to make Sunday church his habit, to be put in a position where he feels he must field questions and answer for me.

The reality is, I don't fit in. In retrospect, I am not sure when I crossed over from the norm and stopped fitting in, but I became acutely aware that I should not be there the morning I heard myself saying out loud, right in the middle of a sermon, "No-o-o." The words that were being spoken were out of step with the words I was reading in my Bible, and I realized at that moment that I could not continue to pretend or try to fit in to a culture that I could not in all honesty agree with.

I love the people who attend that church. I love the people who have left that church and now attend elsewhere. I appreciate the relationships that have developed over the last 40 years in this place, but I just cannot agree with them in several areas that have come to matter a great deal to me, and I cannot pretend to fit in with a tradition that has absolutely no basis in scripture but rather appears to be nothing less than a manipulation of the "faithful" by a hierarchical system which has dictated for 2 millennia that The System has more authority over The Faithful than the very Word of God.

I have come to realize that I am not the only person who feels this way, and I am certainly not the first in history to have come to this conclusion. Down through those 2 millennia, thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people who dared to think outside the ecclesiastical box must have wondered how it was that a select few would have the temerity to dictate to the masses how and when and where the Almighty Creator of the Universe was to be worshiped, particularly when that how and when and where had no foundation in the scriptures we are told was from the mouth of that same Creator, and what on earth gave those same few the right to proclaim who was admitted into that same Creator's kingdom?

Dissecting those traditions has been a long and frequently emotionally painful process, but as I have said before elsewhere, once I learn the truth of a matter, it is impossible for me to un-learn it. So, as difficult as it may be initially, I am choosing to believe that God's blueprint for our lives which is found in the Bible does in fact matter, His words are not too difficult for me to understand or apply to my life, and they are a blessing - not a curse. God's words that have been handed down through the ages are still as relevant to me in 2018 as they were to the apostles and the first followers of that Jewish rabbi from Galilee who upset the money changers' tables, who healed a blind man on a Sabbath day in defiance of rabbinical tradition, who told tax collectors and fishermen to follow Him... I am certainly capable of choosing that same path of obedience, despite the expectations of my own religious leaders (or my friends.)

For a person to call her/himself a "pastor", yet have no idea who my children are, much less their names, what I do for a living, or what I am passionate about in life, that person is a "pastor" in no sense of the word. For a leader of a congregation to have attended seminary and not teach even the basics of what the Word of God has to say, how it can shape and guide and change our lives to impact our communities and our world - or worse, to know those basics, but then knowingly perpetuate deception about such basic tenets as what day of the week we are to set apart, about how we are to live our lives in accordance with the Word we purport to follow - that is where I have to disconnect and walk away. 

Because, as difficult as it is to change a lifetime of habits and culture, to continue in a culture than I am convinced has stepped away from representing my Creator for the sake of increasing attendance and membership is a step toward compromise with that same world that we are instructed to "come out of." At some point, I have to step off the merry-go-round of tradition and go back to the basics of "What does the Lord want from me?"

Hint: The answer is not compromise, it is not "fitting in." It is repentance and obedience.

What on earth is "Elul"?

Other than being the 6th month on the Hebrew Biblical calendar, I previously had no knowledge at all about "The 40 Days of Favor." That was in the days before I discovered the helpful explanations on a website, Hebrew for Christians.

According to information I found on Reform Judaism:
"Elul is the Hebrew month that precedes the High Holidays (Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur), a time of study and personal reflection on our actions of the past year. It also is a time when we seek forgiveness from those we have wronged or with whom we otherwise have “missed the mark” in our interactions and behaviors."

Another website, Judaism 101, shares this thought:
"According to tradition, the month of Elul is the time that Moses spent on Mount Sinai preparing the second set of tablets after the incident of the golden calf (Ex. 32; 34:27-28). He ascended on Rosh Chodesh Elul [the First of Elul] and descended on the 10th of Tishri, at the end of Yom Kippur, when repentance was complete."

Not being ethnically or culturally Jewish or Hebrew myself (other than a random smattering of "Ashkenazi" showing up in my DNA profile), but rather a person who believes in the truth of the entire Bible and seeks to apply those truths to everyday life, I had to ask myself: What, if any, of the Jewish practices or traditions can help me gain a better understanding of what that truth could look like in my life? I want to add that I do tread lightly here, knowing that Jesus/Yeshua had a "few" words to say to the religious leaders of his day about their traditions replacing the commands of YHVH. So, there is that. I'm more about understanding the prophetic symbolism of those traditions. Bottom line: Can understanding the practices and traditions bring me closer to an understanding of who I was created to be and how it would please YHVH for me to live my life? That is my only goal.

From what I have learned from the various Jewish and Christian/Messianic websites I have found, I understand Elul as being a time to spend in personal reflection - much how some in the liturgical Christian traditions observe Advent or Lent. It is a time that many people add a special devotional study to their routine and reflect on the spiritual significance of this time of the year, and maybe discover that they could use a little "course adjustment." A time of reflection and repentance can hardly be a bad thing.

To that end, I have found an insightful study by a teacher whose writings have been thought-provoking for me, and will be incorporating those devotionals into my study time each day, starting the first day of Elul (Sunday, August 12, 2018) and continuing up until Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement), 40 days.

I hope to share some of my thoughts and gleanings as I go through that study with the intention of encouraging someone else take another step on their journey of faith.