Grandma did not care for her adopted family. She had made that very clear over the years. (As we uncovered the evidence of wife swapping, we started to understand.) She also had certain opinions about her birth mother that I now realize stemmed from the feeling of abandonment and rejection that she never really was able to resolve during her lifetime. Grandma told herself that her birth mother had to give her up because "she was mentally ill and incapable of caring for a child." That must have made it less painful for her, and was a reasonable excuse for the person who is left wondering, "How could a mother abandon her own child?" Of course, no such record was documented, and so we are left to wonder as well.
With the passing of my parents' generation, it is now left to my cousin and me to continue the search. And the more we uncover, the sadder the story. We have yet to really unearth any concrete evidence of names or places, other than the names and places on her deed of adoption. Finally, in a momentary stroke of genius, I Googled "unwed mothers" and "Kansas City, MO", then marveled at the many stories that unfolded.
Apparently, for decades Kansas City was known as the "Baby Hub" of the USA. As a matter of fact, the PBS show, History Detectives, devoted an entire episode 311 to the subject. Not that it gives us any concrete evidence, since all of the homes for "unwed and troubled young women" have long since closed and with it, most of the records lost, destroyed, or remaining sealed.
Still... I cannot help but reflect on the changes in our attitudes regarding adoption, illegitimacy, and unwed mothers. I know we are not that far removed from The Scarlet Letter and outright condemnation of anyone tainted by the misfortune of not having been born into the Standard definition of Family. Even today, we treat those children differently. I personally know someone whose in-laws were opposed to their child marrying "a bastard." Nicely put.
And we wonder why the abortion epidemic exploded as it did. It's so easy to believe the lie that terminating an unexpected or inconvenient pregnancy is so much easier than trying to raise a child without a "complete" family. Pish posh. We are wrong on so many levels. 1) It is not easy to terminate a pregnancy. It will haunt you for the rest of your life. And, 2) "Complete" is what you make it. A one-parent family is by far to be preferred over one with an alcoholic, abusive, or otherwise emotionally impaired parent. Think about it.
In the end, illegitimate or not, abusive dysfunctional adoptive parents or not, I am still thankful for my granny and the input and influence she had in my life.
