Children - Adult or Otherwise

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone

I never wanted to have children. Then I reached the age of 24 and, having lost my second child ante nativitatis, suddenly wanted nothing else than to hold my baby.

I was given that gift the following year, at the age of 25, and again at the age of 29. There was not a thing I would do differently, there is nothing I would exchange for the two beautiful daughters that I was most blessed to have in my life. Do I regret missing out on knowing those unborn children and wonder how life would have been different had they lived? Of course I do. But I would not change anything if it meant not having the profound privilege and pleasure of Those Two. 

My daughters are not perfect. But they are clever and brave, intelligent and determined. They are in many ways the same and many ways different from me, and so very their own selves. It dazzles me - and makes my heart ache. 

Having a child is indeed like having your heart walk around outside your body. You can protect them, nurture them, encourage them, teach them... they will undoubtedly have some of your features and quirks, but they will be themselves. And therein lies the rub. 

Just as I did in my turn, so have my daughters done in theirs. No matter the generation, we will inevitably see things differently; we will react to ideas and ideals differently, because we have our different paradigms through which we view life. As one of them so honestly told me once: "I can't learn from your mistakes, I have to make my own."

Somehow, I had the notion that having children would mean that you would always have someone to share dreams and adventures and goals with. And that does indeed happen, at least for a few years. When they come into their own, however, their dreams and adventures and goals will, of necessity, not always include you. That's called "Adulting." Pray that they have paid attention and have learned to do it well, because you will no longer have a say in the direction they take.

But above all, PRAY. When the hour is dark and you feel you have been abandoned or at the very least, rejected, PRAY that the Truth will find them and your mistakes will not have so hardened their hearts that they cannot find their way Home.

- for now, three things last —
trust, hope, love;
and the greatest of these is love.

Just love them. 

You Tell Me

 I have been so preoccupied working on my projects on another blog - this past year a photo-a-day journal, and recently a monthly trek up my paternal family tree - that this little corner of my world has been sorely neglected. (Not that I think for even a minute that my musings are of interest to anyone but my future self...) 

Today, however, with a little time on my hands and being glued to my chair, as it were, for several more hours, I thought I might spin a few thoughts out into cyber space.

I have purposefully stayed away from "social" media and network "news" for the past 5 months... well, as much as is possible in this society that is saturated and fascinated with it... instead I have been indulging in a favorite pastime: reading historical fiction. Since January, I have read 48 books, 24 of those being historical fiction. Yes, I'll admit that likely qualifies as an obsession. The thing is - it's fascinating to escape from the inundation of political and social commentary only to discover that things haven't really changed all that much over the centuries. For all that it disconcerts me to read the constant drivel of ill-informed opinions that one is assaulted with daily in the media (social or otherwise), it is nothing if not a revelation that human nature remains remarkably the same with the passing of time.

There has always been political intrigue, social injustice, power struggles, religious persecution, wars and rumors of wars, the like of which we read daily in the headlines and hear on the radio or see on the nightly news. We suppose ourselves to be so enlightened when we compare ourselves with what we imagine life to have been like during Greek or Roman conquests, Spanish Inquisitions, Russian pogroms, colonialization and the oppression of First Nation populations. We display our ignorance of basic historical facts by tearing down statues and edifices that we have imbued with the essence of slavery and  oppression. We call racist any philosophy which differs from our own.

There is no denying that every day life was immeasurably more difficult in past centuries without the luxuries of electricity, paved roads, instant communication, ready-to-wear clothing, pre-packaged food available no matter the season, antibiotics and anesthesia, just to name a few. A quick trip to any developing country will open the eyes of even the most jaded to all those things that we take for granted. But, all that aside, human nature itself has not really changed, in my opinion. We each want to be the one who is right, who has more [whatever] than the next guy, who "gets there" first, who has experienced the latest thing before anyone else. (Obviously, I am speaking in generalities. None of us want to admit to being selfish, greedy, or self-absorbed.)

A philosopher of old once truly said: 

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins. (Eccles. 7:20)

So, why do I like to escape to the past instead of tilting against the windmills of today? I'll admit to enjoying learning a bit more about how life might have been lived in times past. It's true that in spending some time immersing myself in the culture and lore of the past I often learn to appreciate more of how blessed I am today. But, if I am going to be honest, a very real attraction is the knowing that I share in some part the struggles of humanity down through the ages to come to grips with the world and society and culture in which I live while trying to understand how to be true to my own principles and ideals. 

Is that a good thing or bad? You tell me.