Random Thoughts on leaving "The Church"

Several years ago, a family we had known for quite some time informed many of us - via email - that they were leaving our local congregation to attend a different local congregation. (Not exactly a surprise, it happens regularly. We have joked about installing a revolving door in the sanctuary.) Actually, their email was sent after the fact; in reality, they had already left. The reasons they listed were many.

(Three years later, I actually just left... without saying anything to anyone (other than my husband, of course), reasoning that I did not want to sow seeds of dissatisfaction or dissent. And now, as I have pondered this post, the irony is not lost on me.)

Their email read, in part:

I have examined this over and over in my mind and heart and came to realize that we have gone to [a certain local] church for 28 years without leaving....but the church has "left" us.  [My daughter] said it pretty clearly...when she said something about looking around and not feeling like it's her church anymore...that is how I was feeling, too.  I was still in the same "place" but the place wasn't the same.  I asked myself: if I was moving into town for the first time, is this where I would choose to fellowship.  The answer, sadly, was no.

Upon reading their whole letter, my initial response was frustration and betrayal (and, let's face it: Entitlement.) After all, we had fellowshipped with this family for 20+ years. We had been in several small home studies with them. We had worked side-by-side on the same ministry teams. We had attended the same Christian education classes. Oddly enough, after complaining that "so many of [their] friends" had left, they chose to inform those of us who remained by a blanket email. Were my feelings dented? You bet they were. So, in order to process my feelings in a way that was meaningful for me, I wrote out my response, filed it, and kept my thoughts to myself. 

Their letter generated several days' conversation at our house, and probably for reasons most people do not consider.

• "The church has left us."
• It's not "their" church anymore.
• "I'm in the same place."
• "The place wasn't the same."

First, I'd like to address my initial reaction: The place is NOT the same. And I say: THANK GOODNESS for that, who wants to be in a stagnant rut where no one grows or changes? And, yes – a lot of other people have “moved on.” Let's just speak out the truth here. Many people leave a certain local congregation because they don't really grasp what "church" is supposed to be about. Our culture has fallen into a cultural trap of thinking that "church" is the sanctified religious equivalent of a country club, complete with instant friends, instant social connections, instant entertainment... So when their friends leave, they feel justified in saying "I don't know anyone", or "it doesn't feel like home"... I have heard dozens more excuses, but I think the bottom line is that we bring our expectations for self-fulfillment with us when we come to church.

PEOPLE!!! That is not what church is for!!! 

(Ack! I’m sorry, but this really annoys me.)

Be that as it may, the question begged to be asked: What did [the writer of this email] personally bring to the table to make church a welcoming place? Right or wrong, this has been my observation: Many people come and sit in the First Touch Café by themselves and don't bother to invite others to their table. They come in late for worship and sit all together, just their little clan, and don't interact with anyone else, not even during the "meet and greet" stretch before the sermon. When someone comes over to say "hello" to them, a typical response is frequently "Hmmph!"

The whole concept that "I'm in the same place" struck me as tragic. If they have been in that church for 20 years and have not grown, I have to wonder what they are doing with their time. One would hope that 20 years of instruction and mentoring would result in some changes and greater maturity.

But, I have left my "pettest" peeve for last: 'This is not THEIR church anymore.' OK. I think I know what they were trying to say, but do they even realize what they really said? No, this never was THEIR church. Hopefully, it will continue to be God's church. And maybe whoever compared this Exodus to the thinning of Gideon's army was right. But I for one continue to be a little dismayed when I see who is being "thinned out". But I am NOT dismayed when I consider that God knows The Plan He has for [our local congregation], and they are plans for good and not for evil. So I am going to continue to trust Him.

Micah 6:8: what does the LORD require of [me]? … to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with [my] God.

As I reflect on it, I think that’s all I should have been concerned about.

There is a daily Jewish prayer which some scholars believe corresponds to the part of the “Lord’s Prayer” ‘Thy will be done as it is in heaven’ that reads:

Return us, Adonai, to your teachings, draw us near our King to serve You. Restore us to Your presence in complete repentance. Blessed are you Adonai, who desires repentance.

Seriously, can I just pray that and live it? In the end, I can only be responsible for myself and making sure I have the right response to others.

I wrapped up my thoughts this way, and again I can't help but reflect on the irony of my wounded words, given my current personal lack of corporate church attendance:

I do not personally agree with how church is "done" in our culture, but that is just a product of where I am at with the Lord and what I have walked through in the past 40+ years; it has nothing to do with [our pastors] and the words that are coming from the front. I truly believe they are seeking the Lord for wisdom and are listening to Him and doing their best to edify the body. 

Bottom line: Is the truth being taught? Is Christ being lifted up? After that, the rest is more about what I bring to the table.

I guess I'm really not done thinking about this.

Reflections on 70 years

And just like that, I find myself waking up this morning at the ripe old age of 70. Yes, that is correct. Today I begin my 71st revolution of the sun. As soon as the water finishes boiling, I will pour my customary cup of Scottish breakfast tea to go along with my slice of French apple pie for breakfast. (Have no fear, I will have a bowl of porridge for dessert to make my mother and my digestive system happy.)

I'm not quite sure that I have entirely resigned myself to the title "Elderly." Our church has co-opted the term "Mamas and Papas" and I find that I prefer that label. 

As I lay in bed waking up this morning, I took the opportunity to spend a few minutes in review, trying to figure out how I actually made it this far. 70 is a long haul from 15, the age at which I made the ill-mannered proclamation that old people were gross, and stated my intention to kill myself at the age of 45. Came 45, which is obviously not nearly old enough, when I had a change of plan.

This morning however, I was somewhat inclined to doubt the wisdom of that decision. In my current decrepit state, I find myself wondering who exactly I have to thank for the myriad evidences that this earthly vessel has seen better years. I am now in possession of several family treasures: the cherry angiomas from the Rogers clan, the accumulated allergies from the Coots clan, seborrheic keratosis from gosh only knows how many, and that's just on the outside.

The words that come out of my mouth sound more these days like my mother or grandmother, and I still have to work every day on keeping the snark at a manageable level.

I was somewhat in hopes that I had finally reached the stage where I no longer give a F.R.A.* about quite so many things, such as having apple pie for breakfast and worrying what others might think of me when they find out. And truthfully, there are quite a number of things about which I no longer can find the time or energy to spend worrying. Politics, for one, and any number of other topics which seem to get others so riled up these days. On the other hand, there are many things that I do care about, probably more now than when I was 15 or even 45.

• I care more now about taking the time to sip my breakfast tea, watching the turkeys parade across the lawn as the sun rises over the river than I do about being possibly 5 minutes late to the office.
• I care more about spending half-an-hour with grandchildren than I do about the hour it takes to go see them. 
• I care more about how my faith walk lines up with the instruction manual than with denominational dogma or how others think I should live. 
• I care more now about finding out how people do life, love and the pursuit of happiness or what makes them act the way they do than I do about criticizing them for being different from me. 
• I care more about keeping my thoughts to myself than about spewing my sarcastic witticisms on hurting or wounded people.

I am not a better person than anyone else, except possibly my 15-year-old self. Or at least that's what I hope. That is probably why I struggle frequently in my interactions with those who have known me since I was 15 or 45, and their expectations that I am still that same person.

If 70 years on this planet has taught me anything at all, I hope it has taught me how to be more respectful and accommodating towards the others who share my space.

*Flying Rat's Arse, in case you are still scratching your head

Post-COVID

We are both back on track, post-COVID, still fielding "recommendations" from well-meaning family and friends to get the jab-jab. No thanks. I don't mind putting a mask on if it makes people feel "safe" around me, but I draw the line at being a volunteer guinea pig for Big Pharma. If one more person says "But, you can't argue with science!" as their rationalization for taking what (in my mind) amounts to experimental drugs, I may have to be restrained...

Not choosing to take the vaccine does not mean someone doesn't love or care for family and friends - or society in general. It does not make one a bioterrorist. Enough with the generalizing - accusing Christians of being selfish and unloving because they put their trust in God. There are two (or more) sides to every story - yet the media and government tend to share only one version. Getting the shot may have the appearance of slowing down the spread... but who knows if the long-term effects will outweigh the danger of contracting a virus with a 1.6% mortality rate? More than one scientist or doctor has decried calling a "vaccine" that which is not a true vaccine. No one can in all honesty predict the long-term effects.

As to the effectiveness and durability of the shots, it has been pointed out that Israel had a near universal vaccination initiative back from December 2020 through February 2021 and have now found the Pfiezer vaccine's effectiveness drops from 94% to less than 20% after 6 months. Just about everyone knows someone who has come down with COVID after being exposed by a vaccinated person. It's not exactly an uncommon occurrence.

No, I am not a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe getting the shot inserts a microchip for government surveillance... nor do I believe it makes one "magnetic." I don't believe it re-writes our DNA or causes infertility. I do believe that there are real, legitimate concerns about the effectiveness and safety of the shots, and those increase substantially for people with autoimmune and other underlying conditions.

Do you ever feel like you're just wasting your breath? Some of the vile rhetoric that pops up on social media is discouraging, sometimes it's downright appalling. It's okay if people don't agree with me, but it's hard to have respect when I am being called a "dumb-ass"... well, maybe I am, but maybe I'm not. Time will tell.

Kiss Your Mother

I miss my mom. She left us during the winter holiday season of 2014, which did make for a nice family reunion right after Christmas as we gathered from all over for her memorial, but nevertheless... she is still gone.

Since that time, I have on rare occasions had the opportunity to "visit" with her by way of dreams. Most of the time, I have the awareness that she ought to be dead, and therefore not with me. But, fearing that if I mention it she might be gone, I keep it to myself while enjoying our time together, chatting about everything important, unimportant, and in-between.

Not so last night. In that dream, I was busy at my desk trying to process paperwork - or whatever nonsense it is that I waste my time at when at work - with Mom hovering at my side, waiting for an opportune moment to spend a few minutes with me. In the midst of my frustration, I said to her [still in my dream], "Did you need me? I've got to get these papers out." So, ever the considerate person that she always was, she left.

When I woke up, I cried. 

I cried again as I thought about all of the times when I could have - but did not - call her, write her, spend time with her when I was in town visiting all my "friends" from high school [most of whom I can't even remember their names, now.] 

Unlike some friends of mine, my own mother and I were never estranged. We were rarely ever at odds, owing in great part to Mom's gift of mercy and kindness and hospitality... etc. (Too many to list!) She just cared about people. It showed in the things she did, the things she said, the way she treated others. (Don't get me wrong, in private she occasionally had a few comments or opinions, but I cannot recall her ever speaking unkindly to anyone.)

I suppose it hit me harder than it might have otherwise, due to the comparison with my own daughters. I am now on the other end of that Mother-Daughter relationship and can now understand all the feels that go with wanting to spend time with daughters whose lives are spinning in so many directions with their children, jobs, relationships, hobbies, that - without meaning to - leaves Mom low on the To-Do list. Undoubtedly because, no matter how neglected a mom ever feels, she is going to love you anyway, forgive you always, be thankful for the time shared.

That is why I say, KISS YOUR MOM. She needs it. And inevitably, one day, it will be too late.

On vacation in Scotland

Children - Adult or Otherwise

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. Elizabeth Stone

I never wanted to have children. Then I reached the age of 24 and, having lost my second child ante nativitatis, suddenly wanted nothing else than to hold my baby.

I was given that gift the following year, at the age of 25, and again at the age of 29. There was not a thing I would do differently, there is nothing I would exchange for the two beautiful daughters that I was most blessed to have in my life. Do I regret missing out on knowing those unborn children and wonder how life would have been different had they lived? Of course I do. But I would not change anything if it meant not having the profound privilege and pleasure of Those Two. 

My daughters are not perfect. But they are clever and brave, intelligent and determined. They are in many ways the same and many ways different from me, and so very their own selves. It dazzles me - and makes my heart ache. 

Having a child is indeed like having your heart walk around outside your body. You can protect them, nurture them, encourage them, teach them... they will undoubtedly have some of your features and quirks, but they will be themselves. And therein lies the rub. 

Just as I did in my turn, so have my daughters done in theirs. No matter the generation, we will inevitably see things differently; we will react to ideas and ideals differently, because we have our different paradigms through which we view life. As one of them so honestly told me once: "I can't learn from your mistakes, I have to make my own."

Somehow, I had the notion that having children would mean that you would always have someone to share dreams and adventures and goals with. And that does indeed happen, at least for a few years. When they come into their own, however, their dreams and adventures and goals will, of necessity, not always include you. That's called "Adulting." Pray that they have paid attention and have learned to do it well, because you will no longer have a say in the direction they take.

But above all, PRAY. When the hour is dark and you feel you have been abandoned or at the very least, rejected, PRAY that the Truth will find them and your mistakes will not have so hardened their hearts that they cannot find their way Home.

- for now, three things last —
trust, hope, love;
and the greatest of these is love.

Just love them. 

You Tell Me

 I have been so preoccupied working on my projects on another blog - this past year a photo-a-day journal, and recently a monthly trek up my paternal family tree - that this little corner of my world has been sorely neglected. (Not that I think for even a minute that my musings are of interest to anyone but my future self...) 

Today, however, with a little time on my hands and being glued to my chair, as it were, for several more hours, I thought I might spin a few thoughts out into cyber space.

I have purposefully stayed away from "social" media and network "news" for the past 5 months... well, as much as is possible in this society that is saturated and fascinated with it... instead I have been indulging in a favorite pastime: reading historical fiction. Since January, I have read 48 books, 24 of those being historical fiction. Yes, I'll admit that likely qualifies as an obsession. The thing is - it's fascinating to escape from the inundation of political and social commentary only to discover that things haven't really changed all that much over the centuries. For all that it disconcerts me to read the constant drivel of ill-informed opinions that one is assaulted with daily in the media (social or otherwise), it is nothing if not a revelation that human nature remains remarkably the same with the passing of time.

There has always been political intrigue, social injustice, power struggles, religious persecution, wars and rumors of wars, the like of which we read daily in the headlines and hear on the radio or see on the nightly news. We suppose ourselves to be so enlightened when we compare ourselves with what we imagine life to have been like during Greek or Roman conquests, Spanish Inquisitions, Russian pogroms, colonialization and the oppression of First Nation populations. We display our ignorance of basic historical facts by tearing down statues and edifices that we have imbued with the essence of slavery and  oppression. We call racist any philosophy which differs from our own.

There is no denying that every day life was immeasurably more difficult in past centuries without the luxuries of electricity, paved roads, instant communication, ready-to-wear clothing, pre-packaged food available no matter the season, antibiotics and anesthesia, just to name a few. A quick trip to any developing country will open the eyes of even the most jaded to all those things that we take for granted. But, all that aside, human nature itself has not really changed, in my opinion. We each want to be the one who is right, who has more [whatever] than the next guy, who "gets there" first, who has experienced the latest thing before anyone else. (Obviously, I am speaking in generalities. None of us want to admit to being selfish, greedy, or self-absorbed.)

A philosopher of old once truly said: 

Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins. (Eccles. 7:20)

So, why do I like to escape to the past instead of tilting against the windmills of today? I'll admit to enjoying learning a bit more about how life might have been lived in times past. It's true that in spending some time immersing myself in the culture and lore of the past I often learn to appreciate more of how blessed I am today. But, if I am going to be honest, a very real attraction is the knowing that I share in some part the struggles of humanity down through the ages to come to grips with the world and society and culture in which I live while trying to understand how to be true to my own principles and ideals. 

Is that a good thing or bad? You tell me.

Throwing stones at giants

A friend recently shared something that was very meaningful, which triggered some musings on my part:

(Excerpted from a blog by Susie Larson...

God has wired you uniquely for a distinct purpose. He's graced you with gifts to offer to a world in need. He's writing a story with your life, and it fits you perfectly. Not every battle is yours to fight, and not every wrong is yours to right. Yours is not to be understood but to understand. It's not to win the favor of man; it's to walk in the favor of God. Jesus wants you to trust Him, and that's enough. His assignment is why you're here. Sometimes you'll feel in over your head, and other times you'll feel sure you're not doing enough. But your mission is not up to you. Nor is it up to the masses. Your calling originated in the heart of God and will be completed by the hand of God.

Which prompted my reply:

Interesting that she would talk about being "graced with gifts." We talked about this very thing over breakfast yesterday. 

DH was talking about the pastor's recent sermon (David and Goliath) and he further reflected about how, throughout the Bible, different people were anointed for specific tasks... but people today don't think they have been anointed. Worse still, they doubt that they have been "gifted" to do much of anything for the Kingdom. I came to the conclusion that people today shy away from the term "anointed" because it can have a religious connotation, or they don't believe that they have been given certain gifts to accomplish what God has for them because we make the mistake of thinking God wants us to take out Goliaths.

As DH pointed out, God anointed Betsal'el in Exodus 31 to do metalwork and "all manner of workmanship"... not to take out Goliath but to GLORIFY GOD with the skills God gave him.

To be sure, there have been and will always continue to be those people or experiences that are the equivalent of 'Goliaths' in our lives, but if God is for us, who can be against us? When the enemy comes at us with his agenda of abortion, pornography, racism, or confusion and disbelief about who God Created us to be (think gender dysphoria and homosexuality), are we saying with David, "... 'You come to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the Name of יהוה of hosts, the Elohim of the armies of Yisra’ĕl, whom you have reproached.'?

I love (LOVE!) that Susie goes on to say, 'It's not to win the favor of man; it's to walk in the favor of God. Jesus wants you to trust Him, and that's enough. His assignment is why you're here...'

In the current whirlwind of cancel culture and COVID fear, and mask/vaccine shaming, and Antifa riots and... and... and... fill in the blank of the many ways the enemy has tried to shift our focus from our calling and anointing, it's not hard to know what God has anointed us to: What resonates with us when we look around and see the lies of the enemy taking ground in the lives of those around us? THAT is what He has anointed us to do. 

• Speak the truth in love, 
• serve one another with gladness, 
• feed the poor, 
• teach little children The Way, 
• lift each other up. 

"...your mission is not up to you. Nor is it up to the masses. Your calling originated in the heart of God and will be completed by the hand of God."

I believe it.