I miss my mom. She left us during the winter holiday season of 2014, which did make for a nice family reunion right after Christmas as we gathered from all over for her memorial, but nevertheless... she is still gone.
Since that time, I have on rare occasions had the opportunity to "visit" with her by way of dreams. Most of the time, I have the awareness that she ought to be dead, and therefore not with me. But, fearing that if I mention it she might be gone, I keep it to myself while enjoying our time together, chatting about everything important, unimportant, and in-between.
Not so last night. In that dream, I was busy at my desk trying to process paperwork - or whatever nonsense it is that I waste my time at when at work - with Mom hovering at my side, waiting for an opportune moment to spend a few minutes with me. In the midst of my frustration, I said to her [still in my dream], "Did you need me? I've got to get these papers out." So, ever the considerate person that she always was, she left.
When I woke up, I cried.
I cried again as I thought about all of the times when I could have - but did not - call her, write her, spend time with her when I was in town visiting all my "friends" from high school [most of whom I can't even remember their names, now.]
Unlike some friends of mine, my own mother and I were never estranged. We were rarely ever at odds, owing in great part to Mom's gift of mercy and kindness and hospitality... etc. (Too many to list!) She just cared about people. It showed in the things she did, the things she said, the way she treated others. (Don't get me wrong, in private she occasionally had a few comments or opinions, but I cannot recall her ever speaking unkindly to anyone.)
I suppose it hit me harder than it might have otherwise, due to the comparison with my own daughters. I am now on the other end of that Mother-Daughter relationship and can now understand all the feels that go with wanting to spend time with daughters whose lives are spinning in so many directions with their children, jobs, relationships, hobbies, that - without meaning to - leaves Mom low on the To-Do list. Undoubtedly because, no matter how neglected a mom ever feels, she is going to love you anyway, forgive you always, be thankful for the time shared.
That is why I say, KISS YOUR MOM. She needs it. And inevitably, one day, it will be too late.
No comments:
Post a Comment