It's hard to know where to start when the whole year is a blur. I'm sure we went places and did things, saw people and endured the summer heat. All those things are "the usual" of our lives. Honestly, looking back it feels like we were not much more than pachinko balls bouncing from one forgettable pin to the next. If I sound melancholy... well, I guess I am.
What I know: I had coffee (or lunch) with various friends on various occasions, in mostly diverse locations. If I were to say those times were the highlights of my year, you might be tempted to think I live a pathetic life, but the truth is, all of those times were refreshing, insightful, and reflective. A real opportunity to share my heart and listen to the heart of a friend. A time of honest connection. I believe that if more people sought out those honest connections on a regular basis, our world would be a healthier place.
I know that at one point this year I finally had breakthrough dealing with the after effects of an event that has darkened my life for 60 years. In the space of a month, I was able to speak of it to more people than I have over the previous 60 years and each time I do that, more of the garbage is taken out and my mental and emotional play list is about getting freedom from the lies of the deceiver.
I know that spending time in Scripture is affirming in ways I did not realize it could be. Things that are difficult to navigate become clearer. I am able to turn away from the toxic in some people and learn to be more generous with giving people the benefit of the doubt when their actions do not line up with my thought process.
I know that as much as I love my family - both immediate and extended - I have to lay down my expectations. We are not Ozzie and Harriet.
I know that as much as I would love to visit many places, the reality is that I do not enjoy the traveling that it takes to get to those places... and I really just do not like leaving home.
I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have a husband who doesn't always understand me, but who values me, asks my opinion, loves me, and still thinks I'm "beautiful." And this, after 54 years. Yes, I am very aware and very thankful for that fact every single day. (Not only that, he vacuums and does the dishes.)
I know that the very sure prospect of death at some point in time does not overwhelm me. I am, however, enough of a control freak that I have written my own obituary and planned my memorial in advance. Some people find that morbid, but I find it mortifying to have things said about me that are not true. And the truth is, I am probably not the person that most people think I am. I can see it in the raised eyebrow or look of surprise when I make a random statement about my faith or personal beliefs. (That's OK... you don't have to agree with me. For goodness sake, I don't always agree with other people either, but it's always nice when we can have confidence that God is working on each of us in His own time.)
...and with that said, I say adios to 2025. No New Years' resolutions for me, but I am going to try to wrap my brain around adopting this verse for the year 2026:
Colossians 3:15 - Let the shalom which comes from the Messiah be your heart's decision-maker...
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