I Don't Think So!

I have been told I am rebellious. Maybe I am. Because I can tell you, when someone says "You HAVE to ... [read this book... watch this movie... see this video]...", usually my immediate (if inward) reaction is, "Oh yeah? Try and make me!"
Does that make me rebellious? I don't think so. I think I'm just a literal person, and the statement "you have to [anything]" is the trigger that challenges my individual choice-making. At least to my way of thinking.

Realize: I am completely aware that people mainly are making a rhetorical statement. They obviously don't literally mean to say that I am being compelled to do any such thing. It is their way of expressing approval about the topic at hand.

The problem is that in using that statement, it comes across to those of us who are literal/visual that we are going to be forced to do something. Granted, that something is not usually even an unpleasant thing, but the mere suggestion that I do not have a say in the matter is the issue with me.

I just need to get over myself, I suppose. But is it really too much to ask for people to say what they actually mean?

Passion

Judging by the evidence that I have obviously not written "something every day" recently, I would conclude that it is safe to say that my passion is NOT writing. Which leads me to ponder just what is my passion?

That is difficult for me to even contemplate, because I am not, by nature, what you would call a passionate person. No, I am more of what some may label as "melancholic" or even "phlegmatic". (There was a time when those labels held some interest for me, because any tool that helps one gain an understanding of "how to do" social interaction is a good thing in my book.) So the very notion of being passionate about anything seems at odds with my entire personality.

So, let's just lay that aside and I will mull over things that I care about.... and leave it at that.

Most everyone will say, when making a list of this sort, that Family is #1. And I would say that, as well. But I will also qualify that by saying, "the love and importance of belonging to a family" is #1. It is the place from which most people are launched into the person that they become. And without that centeredness (is that even a word?), one is hampered until they find that place where they can trust and know-that-they-know that they "belong." Because "family" has come to mean different things to different people, and just throwing out the "Family is #1 with Me" statement, takes on a different color depending on how you even define and relate to family.

I care about being able to Trust people; knowing that they are honest, telling the truth, are reliable when they give their word. I also know that the reality is: you cannot just throw out your trust to someone who has not earned it. The same goes with loyalty. I will admit, I have a really, REALLY hard time with people who act / think / say they are your "friend", but don't appear to have any qualms about disappearing without a trace when it comes to being there.

If there would be any one topic I come close to being any shade of "passionate" about, it's Injustice. But I am apparently not so passionate about it that I will rise up and go to any lengths to overturn it. Because deep down in the heart of me, I have only a little faith that I can even make a difference. So boycotting things, signing petitions, slapping a bumper sticker on my car, marching, or even "occupying" anything seems ludicrous to me. Because, in the end, what does it even accomplish? Show me how to put my boots on the ground, let me assess if I have the strength to carry it to the end, and then I can embrace taking a stand. Otherwise, it is just rhetoric. And winning an argument rarely changes anyone's mind, I have found.

What Do You Support?

Recently I was in a position to overhear part of a conversation where the speaker raised the question: "What do you support?" The discussion had been revolving around a national environmental foundation, so it was a natural segué.

In light of the recent brouhaha about wanton brazen behavior exhibited by some in the entertainment industry, it started me thinking about his question... although possibly in a different light than the speaker originally had intended.

Nowadays, we support public figures (such as the un-entertaining entertainer referenced above) by feeding into their need for attention by ranting about the negative behavior that so disgusts us.

If, according to the movie Field of Dreams, "If you build it, he will come", then the same logic would seem to apply in this situation as well. Reinforcing negative behavior with any kind of attention only perpetuates more negative behavior. I would say this is another instance of "Mom was always right" when she said, "Ignore him and he will stop." (Sure, Mom was referring to my little brother sticking out his tongue at me... but I think the logic still applies.)

All of us support something. Frequently we support causes unknowingly by supporting businesses that use part of their profits to support a particular cause. Many years ago I followed the common practice of "taking my dollar elsewhere" rather than have my hard earned money go to a cause that was anathema to me. While I do not condemn that idea, in real life it is hard to follow up. Lists change. Sponsorships begin and end. It costs money to keep up with the current "list." Seriously, I have better things to spend my (increasingly limited) energy on.

What is the answer? How do we determine if our time and money is being channeled into causes that we agree with? I believe it begins in knowing what we believe, and why. It is not enough to rally around a flag. We need to know which army we are rallying around, what 'war' is being waged, and what the intended results are.

Unfortunately, all too often most people don't think past the hype and glamour, or what I call the "rah-rah" mentality, that is designed to spur crowds to show up, rallying around a cause because of a sound bite, or more recently, a disturbingly graphic post on social media. It is too easy to get sucked into the drama without stopping to evaluate the content of a cause. Be it fundraising for an environmental group out to save the planet, a morals group trying to reign in the hedonistic behaviour that is dragging down any semblance of human decency, or civil rights advocates out to rectify the wrongs perpetrated against minorities, women, ethnic groups or the like. I am not saying any of these causes are wrong. What I am saying is that we should not blithely follow along behind a feel-good campaign that does nothing to right any of these wrongs, but only champions rhetoric that fosters division. Much would be solved by taking the time to UNDERSTAND people and issues. And that takes effort and time. Sadly, too many seem to be unwilling to invest those commodities to that end.

And that, I believe, is what I support. I support the human factor.

Finding My Groove

There are so many things that I would like to do, and sometimes I wonder what I must have been smoking to have come up with such an absurd bucket list. For a time, I faithfully subscribed to "43 Things", a now defunct website dedicated to helping people keep track of the list of things they hoped to accomplish in life.

Now, I am not saying it is a bad thing to have goals in life. We have (most of us) heard the adage, "Without a vision, the people perish", but I wonder if we lose sight of the goal by concentrating on the list. I, for one, am a great maker-of-lists. And if I didn't think to put it on the list in the beginning, I would for sure put it on the list if I did it anyway. Sort of an affirmation of my right to existence... "See? I accomplished something today!"

Neither am I saying we should do away with lists. Lord knows where my brain would be without a list. I swear, going shopping is the absolute worst. If I walk into a store without a written list, it doesn't matter how few things I need to remember, and it doesn't matter if I concocted a rhyme to remind myself of everything I need to find... I know there is some kind of invisible, magnetic force that wipes my brain clean as soon as I walk through those doors. You know what I'm talking about.

But as for accomplishing the goals I have in life, the hard part is that they are always changing. Have you ever noticed that you can spend time researching, gathering supplies, and learning what you need to know to be able to do that next thing on your list - and no sooner that you cross it off, it has become mundane. I know that, for me, the reasoning is: "If I could do it, then it must not be that hard."

Nevertheless, I still have my list of goals. Not the kind of goals they are asking you to dream at one of those multi-level marketing meetings. I have never dreamed of having a ski boat or BMW. And to be quite honest, there are a number of goals I have managed to cross off. Some of them seemed impossible, but they weren't. They were hard, but they weren't impossible. Along the way I made some discoveries... share your dreams. Share your "list" with someone. But before you do, make sure you are OK with people questioning your sanity. Be ready to say why you have any one thing on your list. Because here is the thing about sharing your goals: You may find a kindred spirit who has the same dream. You may find a mentor who has climbed that mountain. You may find a cheerleader who believes in you. You may find the inspiration you need to see the next step to take.

Life and Death

Sundays are the day we visit Mom. Of course we visit her more than once a week, and various members of our family make a point to drop by and see her at various times to cheer her up, but also to check up on her and report back any changes.

There have been changes. Those of us that see her frequently may not notice them as much, but the family that come from out of town remark on them.

And so much depends on the time of day that we pay our visit. Mom is 94, and she is tired of it. It shows in her face, in shows in the way she can no longer hold her head up straight. It shows in how often she asks, "I don't understand why I can't just go home."

It is hard to watch someone you love, someone who you have fond memories of laughing together and doing so many unimportant things with, having lost her love for life. Living has become a chore to her, something she is wishing she could just be through with and go out to play.

I think of it like that, because I know she is thinking that there must be more to look forward to than her liquid diet and the daily loss of dignity when others come in and decide for you when to dress, when to eat, and if you can shower that day.

I have to be honest... I am not looking forward to that day.

Appreciating Friends... and Life

I just returned from spending several hours at the hospital bedside of a woman who has become like a sister to me over these past 20 years. It seems amazing even as I ponder that, because when I first met her, I was not even sure I approved of her.

Now I marvel that she has been an important part of my life for more years than I previously spent in the company and companionship of my own sisters. When you make your adult home far from your immediate family, this is something I have found important: Find new people to make your "Family." Of course, no one can ever replace my family, or my own brother and sisters. But for the every day ups and downs of living life, you need a "sister" close by who can hear your heart. She may not agree with everything you do, but she has your back.

So today, we had another heart scare... which blessedly turned out to be other than heart this time. Still, it gave me a chance to reconfirm my love for her and for her sweet family. It gave me another opportunity to stand with her in crisis and be a part of that tribe that cares about its own.

It is important to have family. It is important to have friends.

There was a spell in my life when I could not take one more friend moving away, so I shut up my heart to letting anyone become that close again. That was a foolish choice, in retrospect. Hurt and loss is always going to be a part of life. It is healthy to learn how to face it and deal with it.

Some times we have to walk through the shadows to appreciate the light.

Redefining “Holidays”

 In the past, I used to celebrate the same holidays as everyone else I knew. I did not know any Jewish people, so I did not know about their holidays. I did not know any Muslim people (I did not even know what a “Muslim” was, to be quite honest.) I only just found out about Jehovah’s’ Witnesses and Seventh Day Adventists when I was in high school.

To say I led a sheltered life is probably a cliché, but I honestly was not aware.

Now, as I am older, I have had opportunities to meet different people and explore the fact that not everyone comes to the table with the same plate. And that has given me the gift of being able to examine the things I grew up with so that I could decide if I wanted to keep them for my own.

One of those “things” is the way I celebrate holidays... or even how I define “holidays”. And something I have added to my plate is the celebration of what many people refer to as “Jewish holidays”... when in fact the Bible refers to them in Leviticus 23 as “The Feasts of the Lord.”

I am still learning, and since I am not Jewish, I cannot celebrate them in the same way that a Jewish community might. But that does not mean I can’t learn about their origins and significance and apply them to my life.

This year, I hosted my first Passover. I downloaded a “Messianic Haggadah”, some kosher recipes, cleared the furniture out of our living room, filled it up with banqueting tables, and invited some friends. We had a delightful, meaningful evening... the first of what I hope are more to come.

What I have learned by doing this is that there is a deeper richness to my faith that has still to be explored.

When you grow up in the Evangelical church, you can sometimes tend to miss the “why” behind the “what” in the things you do in life.

Passover 2013