45638 :: Seasoned with Salt

According to Ability Central, a website educating the public about disabilities, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) "affects the way people perceive, think about, and interact with the world." Listed among the "most common symptoms of autism" are:

• Often being misunderstood and appearing to be blunt or even rude
• Taking words and phrases too literally

So now, while I am not claiming to be autistic or even on the spectrum, I do have to wonder if even people who are generally perceived as being neurotypical commonly present one or more of the markers associated with autism. Because, believe it or not, I have frequently been accused of the two above-mentioned traits.

I was given to contemplating that conundrum this morning when confronted again with the manner in which I worded a simple request. Upon reflection (after getting over myself and my annoyance at, once again, being misunderstood,) it came to me that indeed I had phrased my request as telling the person what to do instead of telling them what I wanted to do and needed from them. 

(Honestly, it has gotten to the point where there are days when I feel like I might as well just keep the flap shut because I am going to be misunderstood no matter what. A friend of mine who has been officially diagnosed with Asperger's often complains that he has to constantly monitor what he says, and my answer to him has always been the same: "So does everyone else." Now I am beginning to wonder if I see it that way because I have to do likewise, and have just assumed that is the norm.)

Scripture tells believers in Colossians, "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt..." which, in context is referring to speaking with un-believers so that our speech correctly reflects the truth of the Gospel, but I think the principle can apply to our speech in general and how our words come across to others. 

As I have (frequently) mentioned, I am not a fan of putting labels on people or having them put on me. We are so much more than any label and we do ourselves and others an injustice by trying to relegate them into a neat little box. BUT - understanding that not all brains are wired the same is a helpful tool when interacting with others, and to that end I think a little monitoring of my speech habits could possibly be in order. If nothing else, to help foster better communication and lessen hurt feelings.

We'll just have to see how that plays out.

Marking a Sad Day in the NorthState

First thing when I woke up this morning, I was greeted with the news of the passing of our biggest local icon. Sometime in the early morning hours, our local landmark Bidwell Mansion caught fire and within a few short hours has been completely destroyed.

Built over 160 years ago by early pioneer John Bidwell, the mansion housed innumerable historically significant furnishings that are obviously irreplaceable, not the least being the beautiful rosewood piano purchased in New York City as a wedding gift in 1868 by General Bidwell for his bride Annie Ellicott Kennedy  which was kept in tune and played for visitors to the mansion.

While Annie and John Bidwell resided in the mansion, they were hosts to many prominent figures of their era, including: President Rutherford B. Hayes, General William T. Sherman, Susan B. Anthony, Frances Willard, Governor Leland Stanford, John Muir, and Asa Gray.

As a long-time resident, it brought to mind the loss of a different landmark, back in May, 1977, when the Hooker Oak (already famous before guest starring as the "Gallows Oak" in the Errol Flynn movie Robin Hood) fell during a windstorm.

ca. 1910 - postcard of the landmark Hooker Oak

I am just thankful that I had more than one opportunity to explore both while they were still here.

(And as if we need another reminder, nothing lasts forever... except the love of God. And thank goodness for that.)

God's Way ≠ My Way

 I was actually just dinking around under Google Images, looking for a graphic of a tree to illustrate the saying, "Obedience is not the root of our salvation - it is the fruit," often quoted or paraphrased from C.S. Lewis, Charles Spurgeon, A.W. Tozer, and the like.

 

I thought it might look kind of cool to have a rustic drawing of a tree, with roots and all, and show the relationship of Grace - Faith - Obedience - Fruit... Alas, I am not an artist, but I can see the pictures in my head. (Or find them online.)

So, in the middle of all this, I find a website with some interesting blogs - The Sisterhood Hub - in which I found an article I have bookmarked, titled 8 Reasons Why Obedience to God is Important. For the sake of not repeating what you can read for yourself on that site, I will distill it down to just the 8 main points.

1. John 14:15 - If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 
2. Romans 12:1 - Let (your bodies) be a living and holy sacrifice... this is truly the way to worship Him.
3. Luke 11:28 - Even more blessed are all who hear the word and put it into practice.
4. 1 John 5:3 - This is the love of God, that we keep his commandments.
5. 1 John 2:3 - We can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. 
6. 1 Samuel 15:22 - To obey is better than sacrifice.
7. Romans 5:15 - By Adam's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by Christ's obedience the many will be made righteous.
8. Psalm 119:1-3 - Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the instruction of the Lord. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart— they do no wrong but follow his ways.

I have found that a lot of times, people read into these verses what they have heard over the years, but not really taken the time to think about it, and if what they have heard actually lines up with Scripture. When Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments," the usual take-away is to think that Matthew 22:37-39 is saying that all you have to do is love God and love your neighbor. Well, yes. He does actually say that. But what is he really saying here? Verse 40: "All the law and prophets hang on these two commandments." 

I think he's saying that we have to know what the Foundational Scriptures are, and then we will see the correlation - it has often been taught that the 10 Commandments can be broken into two categories: Loving God and Loving Others. I believe that is a good and accurate picture. But if we have dismissed all of the Torah ahead of time without even reading it because some preacher has said "the Old Testament is not relevant to us," we can never know how God uses His commands to show us what it looks like to love Him and love our neighbor. The very things that Jesus came into this world to walk out in real time so we could get a handle on what it was supposed to look like.

Can I just paraphrase Jesus here and say, "You have heard it said..." and challenge some of the things we have all heard from (hopefully) well-meaning teachers and preachers. "But I say to you..." WHAT DOES SCRIPTURE SAY?

You owe it to yourself to find out for yourself. (Believe it or not, there is a website dedicated to helping you do just that.)

Just the way we are

 

As I was reading this morning, this observation caught my attention. Part of my journey has gotten me to the place of accepting that God created me and He didn't make a mistake. I have taken comfort in that thought over the years when I was tempted (or accused) of being too weird, too shy, too contemplative, too... whatever. All those things that made me feel like something was wrong with me. Those things that left me feeling like I needed to apologize for the way I thought, or the feelings I had.

Once I accepted that it was God who made me, and I could trust that He knew what He was doing, it eased much of the angst that I had over performance to meet the expectations of others.

But the commentary today - even though I have heard it and have known it - somehow spoke to me and helped me realize that, Yes... God made me and He doesn't make mistakes... but, as someone witty has said, "God cleans the fish He catches."

It never hurts to be contemplative or introspective when it comes to examining truth and what that should look like in our own lives. Are there thought patterns or habits that need to come into alignment with the goal of looking more like Jesus? It's not a matter of if God loves us or not. That is a given if you believe that His Word is true. And I do. Rather, it is a matter of taking every thought captive, seeing ourselves and our behavior from a different perspective. How do our actions, words and thoughts line up with the plumbline of God's Word?

He has taught us from the very Beginning what it looks like to follow Him, how to be a set-apart people who will faithfully reflect His light in a dark world. Am I taking the time and effort each day to spend time learning and understanding how to walk that out? Our journey to anywhere does not begin and end as soon as we have our ticket in hand. We take the steps to move forward toward our destination, and sometimes (often) that involves changing our mindset and perspective. Whether it be a journey to a new country or culture, or our journey of life and walking out our calling to be people after God's own heart.

Accepting God's design in my life does not mean I should remain static in my spiritual development. Or, as Paul in his letter to the assembly of believers in Philippi says: "Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and awe." (And lest we have been duped into thinking that WORKS = LEGALISM, we should also heed the words of James, the brother of Jesus when he says, "faith apart from works is worthless."

Pitiful Parenting

They say we are our own worst critic, and I am sure in many instances that is a valid observation. 

Take parenting, for example. As I look back on my childhood, I have only a few memories of feeling I was being treated unfairly, or misunderstood by one or both of my parents. As I have become more familiar with just how dysfunctional some families can be, I marvel that mine was (and still is) so functional and loving. Yes, I was spanked a few times for bad behavior, but never beaten. Yes, I was grounded on occasion for stepping out of bounds with rules or curfews. Yes, I got mad at one or another parent from time to time when I did not get my way. But honestly, that was so long ago it is barely a blip on my memory screen. Obviously it did not traumatize me.

However, when I came to be a parent myself (45+ years ago now,) those memories were a bit fresher, and I was determined to "do a better job" at parenting than my own parents had done. Sadly, no one gave me an instruction manual, and when I lamented my feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness, my doctor told me, "Just love them." OK, I could do that.

I am here today to say, that is easy enough... but it is not enough. I love my daughters with all my heart. I have tried the "best I could with what I knew" to love them, teach them, and guide them. But, I have learned that these things do not happen by osmosis. In retrospect, it probably would have worked out better if I had been a little more intentional, a little less bound by my own insecurities and failures, and a lot less dependent on the concept that they would learn what they needed to know from church. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming any of their excellent teachers for failing to accomplish the task set before them, but I am accepting that I fell short in fulfilling my own responsibility to fulfill the Deuteronomy 6:7 mandate: And you shall teach them diligently to your children and speak of them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

I don't really have many memories of either parents or grandparents sitting down with me and sharing their faith journey, or even really praying with me beyond teaching me "Now I lay me down to sleep..." I basically mirrored their model of relying on Sunday school teachers to accomplish what is essentially our own responsibility to our children.

One doesn't need a theological degree to share the basic, foundational truths of what Scripture teaches in how we should live. Heaven sakes, to make matters easier, Jesus boiled it down to just two simple tests: Love God and Love Others. Everything taught in the first covenant falls into one of those categories.

Could I have done a better job? Absolutely! Would everything have turned out perfect? There are never any guarantees. (And don't bother throwing Proverbs 22:6 back at me: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. That is a premise, not a promise.)

But here is the thing: I AM STILL A PARENT, so instead of beating myself up about shoulda-woulda-coulda, the point is to start every interaction with the right mindset. How can I speak TRUTH by my everyday words and deeds? Yes, loving them is a great place to start, but speaking the Truth in Love has to fit in there somewhere, and that is the part I am working at now. Respecting that they have their own free will and their own "testimony" to work out is also part of it, and that is something that is the biggest challenge for me. Because, in the end, I still love them, no matter what.