Family and such

I recently came to the stunning realization that often our families know us the least of anyone. This thought came to me in the most innocent way... a gift from a loved one. While the gift was thoughtful and funny, the sentiment it expressed was light years from the personality and mindset of person to whom it was gifted.

If you have read any of my meanderings at all, you know that I am given to pondering the underlying moral or message of any given situation, and how it applies to me. (Or not.) What is the take-away value?

This is not the first time I have had this revelation when it comes to family. Probably the first that I am aware of was at the funeral of an aunt. I had known this person for almost 30 years. But I did not KNOW her. That's the funny thing about funerals, if they are done well. You learn things about a person that leaves you regretting that you did not take the time to know them better, and resolving to change your self-centered ways and let more people have an influence in your life.

But, why is it that our family often knows us less than other friends, or sometimes even co-workers? My theory is that family "knows" who you used to be... their memories of you define who you are in their mind. But that does not keep up with real time if you don't spend a lot of time with them. And let's face it, in our culture, that is not often our reality. My three siblings live STATES away from me. We measure our distance in the number of plane changes, or days it takes to drive there. We are thankful to be able to see each other once a year. Thank goodness for Google Hangouts for keeping in touch. Even so, we have other family who live close by, but with work schedules and kids activities, we are thankful to be able see each other once or twice a year for a summer BBQ or taco night. Everyone is going in their own direction (me included) and we just don't make the time. So the niece who was interested in art or the cousin who was interested in horses remains fixed in our minds and we do not keep up with current events and changes in outlooks and interests. We lose touch, but unlike a friend, there will always be the connection of family.

Can we honestly call it a connection when we are only connected by our name? I am loath to abandon a relationship merely because I have not made the effort to keep it current. But, other than abandoning all of my own interests, what is the answer?